Dirty Jokes that will make some ladies blush and some okes cry (with laughter)!

These are the ones your ouma pretends she didn’t hear, but secretly smirks at when no one’s looking. They start innocent, then bam – next thing you know everyone’s spitting out their beer while the boerewors burns because nobody’s watching the fire anymore.

Whether you need something naughty for the okes during poker or just a quick cheeky one-liner to shock the mates, we’ve got the good (bad) stuff here. Want cleaner fun? Head back to our dad jokes or try the family-friendly knock knock jokes instead.

Dive in to the funniest dirty jokes

• How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
  Just two. But you have to wonder how they got in there.
• What did the elephant say to the naked man?
  "It’s cute, but can it pick up peanuts?"
• Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
  He worked it out with a pencil.
• What gets longer when pulled, inserts in a hole, and works best when jerked?
  A seatbelt.
• What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
  "If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts."
• How do you embarrass a male archaeologist?
  Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
• Why is Santa's sack so big?
  Because he only comes once a year.
• Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.
• What’s the difference between a condom and a coffin?
  You cum in one and go in the other.
• What did the leper say to the prostitute?
  Keep the tip.
• They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running eight miles.
  Who the hell runs eight miles in 30 seconds?
• Two nuns are riding their bicycles around the backstreets of Rome. One nun looks over at the other and says, "You know, I’ve never come this way before." The other nun replies, "Must be the cobblestones."
• What do you call a nanny with breast implants?
  A faux-pair.
• What’s the difference between a golf ball & G-spot?
  A guy will spend hours looking for a golf ball.
• What's the difference between love, lust, and showing off?
  Spit, swallow, gargle.
• A man went to see a lady of the night. The next day, he found out that he had crabs. So he went to her and complained. To which she said, "For R100, what did you expect, lobsters?"
• How can you spot a blind man at a nude beach?
  It's not hard.
• How is a vagina like the weather?
  If it's wet, it's time to go inside.
• What does the perverted frog say?
  "Rubbit."
• How do you make your wife scream during sex?
  Wipe yourself on the drapes.
• You know the difference between a boner and a bonus?
  Your wife will always blow your bonus.
• What's the difference between a French kiss and an Australian kiss?
  One's on the lips; the other's down under.
• What do tofu and a dildo have in common?
  They are both meat substitutes.